Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize