just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
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Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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