She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
