this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
