she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
