Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
