You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
