She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
