hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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