So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
