i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The feeling are messing with the penis
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
