i just sent this text using only my big toe
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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