Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Tell him ill love him long time

(1-773): View more from Illinois

I'll assure him of it

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(773): Tell him ill love him long time (1-773): I'll assure him of it http://tfl.nu/0jov

Replies (3) Good night (1664) Bad night (664)
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(812): View more from Indiana

Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.

(917): View more from New York City

Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.

(812): View more from Indiana

Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.

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(812): Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background. (917): Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex. (812): Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds. http://tfl.nu/5x1m

Replies (32) Good night (577) Bad night (1807)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober

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(608): I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober http://tfl.nu/eoub

Replies (27) Good night (4597) Bad night (734)
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(519): View more from Ontario

When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.

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(519): When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon. http://tfl.nu/7cpz

Replies (56) Good night (8564) Bad night (1045)
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(862): View more from New Jersey

Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip

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(862): Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip http://tfl.nu/drj8

Replies (15) Good night (2077) Bad night (6025)
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(334): View more from Alabama

How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.

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(334): How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE. http://tfl.nu/y183

Replies (11) Good night (4047) Bad night (920)
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(812): View more from Indiana

I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.

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(812): I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator. http://tfl.nu/ijx1

Replies (21) Good night (2234) Bad night (1134)
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(519): View more from Ontario

She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.

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(519): She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot. http://tfl.nu/3yos

Replies (18) Good night (1904) Bad night (670)
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(716): View more from New York

The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.

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(716): The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West. http://tfl.nu/935n

Replies (6) Good night (1237) Bad night (493)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.

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(202): We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy. http://tfl.nu/mfv7

Replies (9) Good night (1537) Bad night (637)
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(802): View more from Vermont

I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses

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(802): I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses http://tfl.nu/9pm9

Replies (4) Good night (799) Bad night (887)
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(707): View more from California

Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?

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(707): Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick? http://tfl.nu/yjm9

Replies (8) Good night (366) Bad night (736)
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(210): View more from Texas

He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!

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(210): He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!! http://tfl.nu/ekhg

Replies (1) Good night (477) Bad night (292)
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(707): View more from California

New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.

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(707): New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses. http://tfl.nu/6j5u

Replies (2) Good night (361) Bad night (851)
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(559): View more from California

Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"

(707): View more from California

Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.

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(559): Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!" (707): Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war. http://tfl.nu/84el

Replies (6) Good night (1459) Bad night (334)

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