so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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