Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year