How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.