I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?