Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
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i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.