LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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