So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
