Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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