Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
