I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
