Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
