how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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