i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
