lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
