you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize