how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
