I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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