He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
