You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
