she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
