1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
