im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
