ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
