I cannot find my penis.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
