she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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