Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
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I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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