I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
