I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
