I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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