if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
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how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize