Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
