id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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