***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
