the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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