Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
