After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I would ride that face into the sunset
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
