Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
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