I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
