Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
