Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
