After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
