Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
