Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
