omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
