Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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