MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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