her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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