My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
