We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Holy shit dude........stairs
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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