Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
farters have to be the big spoon...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
