he told me I talked like a deaf person
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
