i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
