Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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