I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
