i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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