i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
