dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
