i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
do nipples grow back?
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